Doctor's Orders
by LemonySugar
Summary: Bella Swan has started a new job as a general surgeon at Lenox Hill Hospital NY, she soon realises that being a doctor isn't what it used to be when she meets the ellusive Dr. Masen, sparks fly as a plastic meets a general.  rated M for lemons throughout
1. Chapter 1 Alice and The Tweedles

A/N: I'll make this brief since for those of you who have been wanting to start reading this have waited an extremely long time and I wouldn't blame you if you tried to murder me with pitchforks and stuff. However if you did that you wouldn't get past chapter 1 of this story so i'm safe for now.  
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I had such a big response over at FFFW for this and I am truly grateful for that it made my heart sore that so many people were excited about reading this. It will be posted there as well as here cos that's what this whole blog thing was created for the past couple of months have been life changing to say the least I am now one with technology LOL!  
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I would also like to thank my amazing beta Legs who is just awesome, she's been a busy bee as of late but she has done an awesome job of proofing and improving this so that it lives up to the hype! Well that's the desired effect anyway.  
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So without further ado I would like to present Chapter 1 of Doctor's Orders may there be many more to come!

**Disclaimer**

**A/N: I do not own the respective names of said sexy doctors that is the fuckawesome privalidge of one Stephanie Meyer god love her! But I just like to mess around with them and let them have smexy time in white coats and stethescopes!**

**Chapter 1 ~ Alice and the Tweedles**

Bella's POV

I had never been nervous about starting a new job but I had heard a mix of positive and negative comments about Lenox Hill Hospital and its staff. They must require a good general surgeon though they asked for me specifically, not that I was being big-headed or anything!

I would start my new job as General Surgeon at Lenox Hill in three hours. I was used to early mornings so, naturally, I was already awake and up. I gazed out of my bedroom window at New York City in all its glory, still awe-struck at its beauty. I finished off the last of my tea and made my way into the bathroom. My boyfriend Alec had already left for work. Although he had his own place he practically lived at mine. Looking at the clock I decided I had time for a soak in the bath instead of a quick shower. I was used to working long shifts, living like a student (hypocritically lecturing on healthy eating while living off take-away and fast food) and showering quickly when I have five minutes to spare, but today I needed to make a good impression so primping was in order. As the water ran I added my strawberry bubble bath, quickly becoming engulfed in steam. A bath wasn't a bath unless the water was scalding hot.

I pulled off my camisole and dropped it to the floor. It was quickly joined by my shorts and bra. As I slipped off my panties I looked down at my chest and gave my breasts an approving look. I had heard many weird and wonderful things about the plastic surgeons at Lenox Hill but I was confident that my 34C's were a very good size and so a visit to them wouldn't be necessary. Although a nosy little look never went amiss…I climbed into the tub, hissing as the heat of the water scalded my skin. I sank down, submerging my whole body beneath the water.

I sighed, thoroughly content and relaxed. Although, there was always something that would make me even more content and relaxed. And I knew that I would need to be completely relaxed on my first day.

I skimmed my hand over the surface of the water before sliding it over my breasts and down my body. My eyes rolled back as I moaned a little, my hand wandered down my stomach and between my legs, I stroked along my slit, biting my lip as I moaned at the aching feeling in my lower abdomen. I was in desperate need of a really good release. So it wasn't as good as the real thing but it'd get the job done, so to speak.

My index finger began circling my clit as my other hand searched for my core. One finger slid in completely, going straight for my g-spot, rough and vigorous. My breathing became erratic as I urged myself closer and closer to what promised to be a really good way to start the day, getting higher and higher as it built up deep within me, when an incessant, angry sound broke through my haze and destroyed the moment. There was no way I could ignore the hateful little communication device, it just wasn't possible for me. Somebody hated me. Angrily and reluctantly I pulled my hands away quickly and stood, reaching for the towel. Huffing heavily, I stepped out of the bath, wrapped the towel around myself and went in search of the evil, interrupting cell phone.

It was on a side-table. I grabbed it angrily and checked the caller ID. It was my mother, Renee. She lived in Phoenix with her new husband Phil. He was closer to my age than hers. It was safe to say I would never call him Daddy; plus, it brought to mind too many sexual connotations! I loved my mother, but she was a terrible hypochondriac when she wanted to be and the worst worrier ever to grace the planet. She had constant images of me stabbing myself with a scalpel or sticking myself with a needle.

"Bella honey, how are you doing? You're first day today, are you excited? Have you everything ready? Did you have a good breakfast? Have you brushed your teeth?" As usual, the conversation began with twenty questions. I rolled my eyes but decided to humour her a little. She was my Mom.

"Hey Mom, yeah I'm fine. Just out of the bath actually. Yeah, it is my first day, well remembered. And Mom, it's not like the first day of school so no it's not exciting me that much!"

She laughed a little down the phone.

"Mom I really have to get going it's SHIT! Bye Mom, I'll call you when I get home. Love you!"

I hung up the phone on her, I'd apologise later. It was almost five thirty and I hadn't even gotten dressed yet.

I quickly threw on a pair of slacks that framed my ass to perfection (I did have an excellent ass!) and a dark green shirt, buttoning it quickly before heading down to the garage. It was still dark out but by the time I got to the hospital it would be light. It never ceased to amaze me how quickly it could get light out, or dark.

I climbed into the BMW 118D that my mother and her husband had bought me as a congratulations on my new job present. Their reasoning for it was that I'd need something that fit the hospital; it wasn't just any hospital after all! The smell of the leather interior engulfed me; God I loved the new car smell! I quickly put the key in the ignition, rammed the gear stick into drive and finally made my way to work.

The drive to work was dismal. It was almost six and the traffic was a nightmare. Arriving late on my first day was just what I needed! It would just be the perfect first impression to make on the Chief of Surgery! He and one of the other General Surgeons were to show me around the hospital. As it was, I was only a few minutes late. At least I'd know for future reference.

I walked into reception, taking a quick look around as I stepped up to the front desk. The hospital was immaculate and from what I could see of the patients they were very content to sit watching the giant plasma screens.

A young woman with dark blonde hair looked up at me from behind the counter.

"Hello, can I help you miss?" she asked politely as she smiled up at me.

"Hi. I'm Isabella Swan, the new general surgeon."

She stood up quickly, putting down several sheets of paper down in front of me as she handed me my name badge. I was already falling in love with how efficient this hospital was!

"Dr. Hale will be right with you. You can fill in these while you're waiting Dr. Swan."

She smiled again and sat down as I began fill in my personal details and sign my name countless times. I wasn't standing there long when a man who didn't look a day over thirty stood next to me and leaned over the desk.

"Jessica, has our new general surgeon arrived yet?" he asked the receptionist.

She glanced up and gestured with her pen towards me. He turned to look at me and smiled broadly, standing up straight. I smiled back. He was gorgeous, completely and utterly perfect, with brown hair to his shoulders, piercing blue eyes and a prominent five o'clock shadow I wanted to reach out to and rub. Now don't get me wrong, I may have a boyfriend but I'm not dead! He was tanned and rugged, not as refined as other doctors but so much sexier.

"Ah, you must be Isabella Swan, pleased to meet you. I'm Carlisle, Chief of Surgery here at Lenox Hill." He smiled and held out his hand for my own. I reached my hand out and met his handshake. It was a typical manly handshake. His hands were soft and warm.

"Nice to meet you too, please call me Bella," I smiled.

He let go of my hand and handed me a long white coat and a stethoscope.

"Bella, welcome to Lenox Hill. Now I'm a very busy man, as you can imagine, so I'm going to introduce you to Dr. Brandon, our other general surgeon, who will show you around the hospital." He spoke as he led me from the reception and further into the building.

He turned to look at me as we were making our way into one of the wards off of the reception. Admittedly, I found it a little odd that a hospital so big had wards so close to the main reception, but then again Lenox Hill wasn't your average hospital. There were three doctors in the ward but one caught my eye. She was petite, about five foot six. Her hair was dark brown but the overhead lights made it appear lighter, almost like it glowed. Her make-up was flawless and as I took in her appearance I noticed her shoes. Six inch heels. So not five foot six, five foot at most. Why would anyone subject themselves to the torture of six inch heels when they're working twenty hours a day? Carlisle led me to where she was finishing up with a patient.

"Dr. Brandon," he addressed her, "I'd like to introduce you to our new general surgeon, Dr. Bella Swan. She'll be joining you in theatre." She turned to face me, tilting her head back a little to look at me. She smiled widely and instead of shaking my hand like Carlisle as I expected, she hugged me.

"Hey, nice to meet you! You can call me Alice!" She said as she pulled back, still smiling broadly.

"Right then, now that you two are acquainted I'll leave you in Alice's capable hands. Enjoy the tour and good luck getting started, although I'm sure you won't need it," were Carlisle's parting words before he left me with the extremely friendly pixie in front of me.

This time she shook my hand. It was fast and she had a surprisingly strong grip. It was just as energetic as she seemed to be.

"So you're Bella," she said in a tone I wasn't sure I trusted, "I've heard a lot about you, and not just about your surgery skills!" She smirked and began walking out of the ward. I struggled to keep up with her fast pace.

I kicked myself for being so self-conscious but I had to ask. "What do you mean?"

She stopped and turned to face me.

"Put it this way, they weren't wrong when they said you were a babe. You've been highly anticipated Bella," she said matter-of-factly before continuing on her way.

"Ok this is radiology, nobody that important works there, nobody you want to know about anyway!" She winked at me and we continued the tour. It was fairly obvious I was getting the social tour and not the work tour, not that I was complaining. I was going to need to know how everything worked, gossip included. And who didn't love a bit of gossip?

I liked Alice. She was down to earth and extremely friendly, definitely someone I'd become good friends with. As we made our way around the hospital we quickly fell into an easy step beside each other and were soon chatting like old friends. We were gradually making our way towards the place I would call home for seventeen hours a day.

"So Bella, have you got a boyfriend?" And here it was. THE question.

The answer to that question was as unknown as the meaning of life. Alec was my boyfriend, but he also wasn't. We'd never exchanged 'I love you's, it had never occurred to me to ever say it to him. I wasn't ready for that, not with him anyway. Not with anyone. I wasn't completely sure I felt that way either, or of how I felt about him exactly. I rarely saw him because of work and he never stayed too long. If I was really going to be honest with myself he was a convenience more than anything else, and as far as that part of my life was concerned I was not going to be honest. I was getting what I needed, as was he, and it was working well for both of us.

"You could say that," I replied, it really was the easiest and most honest response I could give.

She looked at me, confused for a moment, then laughed a little and turned to look where she was going. We had been all over the hospital but I still hadn't seen where I would actually be based. The building was like a labyrinth!

"Am I ever going to find my way around here Alice? I mean, I'm a general surgeon, the titles no good if I can't find the surgery!"

She giggled at me, her perfectly curled hair bouncing on her shoulders like springs.

"I know, it can seem pretty daunting, the building's so extensive, but we have to go through plastic surgery territory first." She stopped and turned to face me. "Do you think you're ready to meet Dr. Masen and Dr. Whitlock? Say now or forever hold your virginity," she eyed me carefully, "Or your peace." She couldn't pull off serious for very long. She just couldn't stifle the laugh or the huge grin.

I rolled my eyes. I'd done my homework and I knew the names of most of the staff and their roles. What can I say, I'm thorough!

"What's so fucking brilliant about them, they fiddle with women's breasts all day!"

She raised an eyebrow at me. Alright, maybe that wasn't all they did. I suppose they did perform life-saving surgeries as well. And they were the best in their field. But it was still eighty percent boob jobs for stuck up, pretentious snobby, neglected wives or the way too young mistresses! We both laughed as she typed the code into the keypad at the entrance to the plastic and reconstructive surgery department.

"You won't be asking me that when you see them. You thought Carlisle was hot, these two are personifications of Adonis!" I rolled my eyes yet again as she pushed through the doors and walked into the bright white ward. Just like the rest of the hospital, everything looked so clean and crisp. However, there was something that made it stand apart from the rest of the building. It was a credit to it. It was obvious looks were what was important here.

As we walked down the corridor I glanced into a number of private rooms and found confirmation of my earlier statement. Women with larger than normal breasts. Mentally, I was rolling my eyes again at the 'surgeons' (and I use the term loosely here) who must love their jobs way too much. The thought 'back ache here I come' echoed through my thoughts.

"We'll be seeing some of these women soon I should think," I commented to Alice.

She looked at me confused.

"How do you work that one out?" she asked, tilting her head to the side.

"With boobs like these many of them will be needing surgery on their backs!"

Alice burst out laughing as we looked over at a woman sporting generous-sized breakfast bowls on her chest. We both glanced down and looked at our own chests, turned to each other, scrunched our noses and said 'nah', erupting into giggles again.

We walked up to the reception desk, where we were greeted by a very chipper nurse with the name Jane on her nametag. I felt yet another hit to my ego as I wondered for what must have been the hundredth time that day why everyone who worked there was so incredibly attractive.

"Hey Alice, what brings you here?" Jane smiled and made a sideways glance at me along with that thing women do when marking their territory. Her eyes made their way quickly up and down my body and rolled as they turned back to Alice.

"We're just cutting through; I'm showing the new General Surgeon around. Are Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee around?" Jane laughed and high-fived Alice. She then stood up and leaned over her desk, looking up and down the corridor.

"I think Dr. Good Body numero uno is to the left of the ward and Dr. Good Body numero dos is to the right," she then turned to face me, "But they're best met together, it's hard to get over the shock of meeting one before you've met with the other." She winked at Alice before calling through the intercom in a voice dripping with seduction that seemed just a tad too much to me.

"Would Dr. Masen and Dr. Whitlock please come to the reception desk immediately?" She grinned widely before sitting back down, then re-arranged her hair and re-applied her lipstick. Alice straightened out my hair and shirt, then her own, before pretending to make conversation with me and Jane.

"Well, well, well! As I live and breathe, it's Dr. Brandon! And with fresh blood! Who might this be?"

The voice sounded sultry and seductive as it came from behind me. He was so close I could feel his warm breath on my neck. I turned around, ready to see a man about my height, but my eyes were met with what had to be a perfectly sculpted chest through a shirt. It stretched over fabulous abdominals. His white coat was tucked behind him, held there by hands tucked into the pockets of his tight pants, pulling them tighter over his slight erection. Typical male! My eyes finally made their way up to his face.

His crooked smile forced me to smother the whimper that wanted to say hi. I could feel the slight colour tinge my cheeks. His emerald green eyes burned into my brown ones as his eyebrow rose. His hand moved out of his pocket and straight to my chest, his long, slender fingers playing with my badge.

"Ah, Dr. Swan. Are you here to work or have work done?" He said my name in a quite competent Shaun Connery impression before cupping my breast. I rolled my eyes as the term pig sprang to mind. I could've broken his hand but letting him cop a quick feel would make him so much easier to mess with later!

"Hmm, perfect size...just over a handful..." he mused.

Alice smacked his hand away and he started laughing.

"Manners Edward, geeze! Don't scare her off before she's even started!"

He held his hands up in surrender and looked back at me.

"I apologise for my colleague Dr. Swan, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance," said the blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty next to the green-eyed groper as he took my hand in his and pressed his lips to it. He was the complete opposite of the pig who had just manhandled me. Although, I can't say I didn't enjoy his hand cupping my breast. Alec hardly ever touched my chest, the rare accidental brush while we watch Jay Leno was the highlight of my evening! For a guy he could be such a prude!

"This Bella, is Tweedle Dum, aka Dr. Edward Masen. And the southern gentleman to his right is Tweedle Dee, aka Dr. Jasper Whitlock. He isn't nearly as forward as…well, not all the time anyway!" Alice winked at Dr. Whitlock who smirked in response. I smiled at both and said my hellos.

"I resent that Alice. The word dumb implies I'm not very intelligent." He smiled crookedly again and winked at me.

"You're not when it comes to women Edward." Alice replied, not missing a beat. She and Jane high-fived again and I coughed to cover my laugh.

I already knew that the doctors Masen and Whitlock were extremely attractive, I'd been prepared for this. But words could never match up to the real thing. And even though Masen was a complete asshole, he was a sexy asshole. As the morning had passed it had become more and more clear that being a doctor would never be the same again. But these two seemed to dispel any clouds around that statement.

"Welcome to Lenox Hill Hospital Bella!" the asshole said, a little too comfortable with my name. I knew I was going to have fun messing with him, it would make the day so much more interesting! And if I never saw him again, it wouldn't bother me either.

"Thank you, it's nice to meet you both," I replied, smiling brightly. They could both be the biggest jackasses for all I cared, their looks more than made up for it. They were definitely something to look at while they made you fume inside! I really couldn't keep my eyes off them. Alice had been more than right in their assessment of them. It was also obvious that she had a thing for Jasper. Southern gentleman or not, he really didn't hold a candle to the asshole whose head I was going to have fun messing with. It was clear he was going to try to add me to his bedpost so I really couldn't see anything wrong with being prepared to piss him off!

The sexy asshole whose balls I was so going to own moved closer and pushed me up against the reception desk, his arms snaking around me and making my skin crawl just a little. There was also a tiny part of me that was squealing like a schoolgirl but I mentally slapped her and told her to shut up. She was a dumb blonde!

"How about we break the new girl in..." he began as his hands gripped onto me. He really had no idea who he was dealing with!

Gripping one of his hands in mine, I prised it from my waist and in one sharp movement dislocated three of his wandering fingers. It would've been easier to just break them but I didn't want to end his career, I wasn't a complete bitch!

I kept my eyes on his face and saw the tears well up in his eyes. He bit down hard on his bottom lip in an effort to keep the tears and cry of pain silent as I ducked under his arm and made my way over to Alice. Just as we got to the doors leading back out of the ward I turned and called back to him.

"I might be the new girl Dr. Masen but I'm not a brainless idiot to add to your bedpost!"

I turned back to the doors and made my way through them. Alice never took her eyes off me as the shouting and cursing followed us, eventually dying out as the doors closed.

"What did you do to him?" She breathed out, her eyes wide as her mouth remained in the 'oh' of shock

"I like a good groping just as much as the next person Dr. Brandon, but not by some pig-headed doctor who thinks he can do what he wants when he wants with anything with breasts and a vagina of legal age. And to answer your question, I dislocated three of his precious fingers." I said matter-of-factly.

"Seriously? Not easy to do from that angle! Breaking would've been simpler."

I had to laugh at her response.

"Alice surgeons earn their living with their hands, and as much as he deserved three broken fingers he has to work doesn't he?" I smiled wickedly, "Just not for the next week or so! All those poor average-breasted women…"

We both laughed out loud.

"Did you see the look on his face?" she said giddily. I laughed a little as I remembered.

"I actually saw tears. Poor baby!" I pouted my lips, sarcasm dripping from my voice and eyes. We slapped our hands together and clicked our fingers as we made our way towards surgery rooms, finally.

The day flew by. It was nearly four by the time I'd been shown around the entire hospital and met the staff. It was only then I truly began to appreciate how big Lenox Hill actually was.

What really made my first day complete was being thrown right into surgery. It was fairly routine and I could have done it with my eyes closed, but that's just bad practise. Well, telling anyone would make it bad practise…

Alice and I were scrubbing in when I decided to set the cat among the pigeons and find out just exactly what was, or wasn't, going on.

"So Alice, do you have a boyfriend?" I asked as I was scrubbing my nails.

"No, not at the moment. Why, are you offering?" She giggled and I smile at her. Her laughter was infectious and she was so easy to joke with.

"Always!" As I scrubbed down my fingers I got serious. "No, I was just curious because I couldn't help but notice how you and Dr. Whitlock were around each other. You have a thing for him don't you?" I didn't want to say it was obvious he had a thing for her. I wasn't sure exactly how this conversation might go, we'd only known each other a few hours after all and it was my first day. Although it was more than obvious he had a big 'thing' for her!

"Yes Bella, I do. And before you ask I've already had him. But it doesn't hurt to want more does it?" She winked at me and laughed a little.

"So when did that happen? Because you could cut the sexual tension with a scalpel!" We both laughed.

"Christmas party and then again on his birthday. I wanted to give him a really great gift! We're a close knit hospital you know!" She winked, smirking a little as she crossed her fingers.

As we worked at the operating table I couldn't help but marvel at her. Stepping up to the patient she changed from a bubbly little pixie to a mechanic under the hood of a car, mechanical and thorough. She was a brilliant surgeon, perfect technique and extremely neat. Afterwards I couldn't not pass comment.

"Are you sure you're not a seamstress Alice? Those stitches are perfect, exquisite even!" She laughed as she pulled off her mask.

"I do dabble in a bit of seamstressing when I have the time, it's so much easier to find clothes I like that way!" I returned her smile and we cleaned ourselves up, changing into blood-free scrubs. It just wouldn't do to scare the patients by turning up to say hi looking like something out of a horror film!

We headed off to do our rounds and I fell into a comfortable routine, loving being back in it. I was checking over the chart of a donor patient when I was paged to deal with an emergency in the ER.

I made my way to the reception desk and found myself standing in front of a nurse who didn't appear to ever look up or speak unless absolutely necessary.

"Hi, I was paged..." I didn't get the chance to continue before she handed me a clipboard and pointed towards the closed door of a private room.

I shrugged as I turned towards it and quickly made my way inside. I stopped almost as soon as the door had closed behind me when I realised who it was, but it was the lack of an emergency that I noticed first. And that pissed me off.

"You have got to be kidding me! You called me away from actual work for this?" I threw down the clipboard and fumed at the asshole in front of me.

Sitting on the gurney was none other than Dr. Edward Masen, face like thunder with a hint of smugness in his eyes. He winced as he shifted and jerked his injured hand.

"Well I don't need to come any closer since I already know what you did to them. An examination would be a further waste of my time." I sat down on the swivel chair in the corner of the room and folded my arms as I swung slowly from side to side. It couldn't hurt to be entertained for a few minutes. After all, I was due for a break!

"What _I_ did to them? You broke my damn fingers!"

"Correction, I dislocated them. Firstly, if you can't distinguish a break from a dislocation you really are in the wrong profession, and secondly, you did that yourself by touching me inappropriately. Now, unless you want me to tell Carlisle about you sexually harassing me you need to shut up and keep still, understand?"

He nodded once as I wheeled myself over him, pulling a pair of latex gloves out of the box on the way.

"I can't believe you didn't just pop them back in again," I said as I reached for his hand. He opened up his legs so I could get close enough to pop his fingers back into place.

"Oh I did, I just wanted to see how your head would look right there. I think I like it! Now open wide!" he grinned at me.

"Bastard!" I snapped as I stood up, the chair flying across the room and into the wall. I yanked the gloves off and threw them into the bin, picked up the clipboard and smacked it across the back of his head, wiping the smirk off his face and cutting off his laughter.

"OW!" he yelled, rubbing the back of his head as I turned.

Before I could take a step he grabbed the back of my coat and pulled me back. I turned and looked down at him; sure if looks could kill he'd be six feet under.

"Unless you want another bump on your head a three more dislocated fingers I suggest you let me go!" So much for making a good impression on my first day and having it all go well. "I actually have patients to see who are in need of a doctor."

He opened his mouth to say something, rethought what he was going to say, then took a breath and began.

"Bel...Dr. Swan. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable before, but you have to understand... working at Lenox Hill isn't like working at some other hospital. Just because the doctors and nurses here don't look stressed doesn't mean they're not doing their job properly. You need to lighten up and stop wearing tight underwear. Hmm..." His head turned to my ass as he hopped off the gurney. Before I could respond he slapped my ass and headed out the door. I could feel my face burning and my hands balled into fists.

"DAMN IT!" I yelled. I'd never wished harm on anyone in my entire life but at that moment I felt the need to kill. I stormed out of the room and went straight back to my rounds. If I hadn't I would have done something I really would have regretted. Something that I thought might be a little bit of fun was about to turn into all out war. I never left prisoners and I never lost.

It took a lot of deep breaths before I could calm down enough to stop snapping every pen I picked up. Somehow, the day seemed to slow down to a crawl and I found myself staring at my watch, cursing it for being so slow and willing the day to be over. At half nine I was screaming silently at the fifteen and a half hours I'd thought would be amazing but had turned into a nightmare, praying for the moment when Carlisle would relieve me. That moment came at half ten, long after all of my patients had settled. He'd finally shown up and told Alice and I to go home.

I put my coat, badge and stethoscope into my locker, pulled on my jacket and clocked out. As I was heading out through main reception I saw Alice talking to Jessica.

"I thought you'd left for the night," I commented as I made my way closer to them.

"Just the girl I was looking for!" she said way too energetically for coming off of a sixteen and a half hour shift. "Come with me to visit Jasper," she said before pulling me towards the plastics ward.

"No way Alice. I know for a fact that he's still working down there and I've had enough of him for one day." I really wasn't in the mood to go for round three with the jerk from hell, especially when I was no longer on the clock and didn't have to be there.

"Oh Bella come on, please. Be the bigger person and stand up to him, you had no trouble earlier when you dislocated his fingers! Come on," she whined as she begged, clasping her hands together and looking up at me through big, sad, pleading eyes. I rolled my own.

I knew I was going to hate the fact that you just couldn't say no to the little pixie, I just didn't realise that it would be so soon!

"Fine!" I snapped exasperatedly, giving into her would just be easier in the long run, "But if he is down there he better guard more than his fingers! I am not in the mood for verbal sparring or putting up with any of his crap!"

She giggled and jumped up and down, clapping her hands. Oh how I hated her.

We walked down the corridors towards the danger zone and got there way too quickly for my liking.

"So, why should he guard more than his fingers?" she asked, her smile too big and happy. She was getting way too much enjoyment out of my pain and suffering. Then again, given what I'd heard she was probably enjoying the fact that a woman had finally given him an 'up yours', especially one of such epic proportions as mine!

"Like you don't know," I said, eyeing her. I got the feeling that Alice was the kind of person who knew absolutely everything that was going on.

"I don't," she said way too quickly and innocently, the look on her face matching her tone of voice. I looked at her suspiciously. I didn't believe her.

"He thought it would be a great idea to call me to the ER on an 'emergency', piss me off even more then slap my ass, putting me into such a dark mood that I snapped at some of my patients and had to apologise. And I NEVER snap at patients." That was what made it worse, the fact that he had affected how I work with my patients. I bit my lip and furrowed my brow. She raised hers and smiled.

"Payback time then!" she grinned. "Come on."

We walked through the doors that had led me to my first encounter with the asshole that morning. We found the Tweedles playing 'guess the breast size' at the reception desk.

"Do you two have nothing better to do than guessing breast sizes?" I snapped.

Jasper stood up and leant over the reception desk just in front of Alice who bit her lip. The googly eyes they throwing at each other would've made me roll my own if I wasn't in such a foul mood. Edward stared at me and looked me up and down.

"Thirty-four C Swan, and you have a nice firm ass too!" he smirked.

I scowled at him. It took all my self-control not to smack the smirk from his face. He stood up and leaned over the desk towards me. So it was a Tweedle stance. I leaned closer to him, feeling his breath on my face. It was torture, even his breath smelled amazing! But I reminded myself of how big a jackass he is and my mind cleared.

"You know Masen, you really are quite an attractive man," I said, my nose almost touching his.

"Is that a fact?" he asked, his hand sliding over mine.

His hand felt so warm and soft on mine. I wondered how it would feel in other places…naughty places…

"Mmhmm," I nodded a little, slipping my free hand over the desk and to the stapler by the stack of files.

"I'm really glad you've noticed that Swan. You know, I'm even more handsome naked," he said, staring into my eyes and smirking in triumph.

"Is that a fact?" I asked as I placed the stapler over his tie, which was conveniently lying across the desk.

"Mmhmm," he nodded, tilting his head and leaning forward a little more.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

Before he knew what was happening five industrial-sized staples had made their way through his tie and into the desk. I replaced the stapler and stepped back, smirking at him.

He tried to stand up straight but couldn't move. He pulled back again but was jerked back down. Alice tried to smother her giggles with her hand as Jasper dipped his head to hide his own smile.

"What the fuck Swan?" he yelled, pushing his hands down on the desk as he pulled his head back in vain.

"I thought I had made myself clear about keeping your hands to yourself, I probably should have broken instead of just dislocating your fingers. Maybe now you'll learn."

He glared at me, anger seeping out of every pore. Staring right back into his eyes I could see something else there. Lust. Typical man.

"And you may be attractive but your attitude makes you the ugliest man in existence," I added.

Alice nearly choked and Jasper shook a little, swallowing his laughter.

"And I told you to lighten up a little!" he snapped back. "For fuck's sake," he exhaled as he looked down at his trapped tie.

I opened my mouth to respond when I was interrupted by Alice.

"Edward, she doesn't need to lighten up, but maybe you do. Now stop being such a prick and don't touch her unless she wants you to!" she said matter-of-factly.

I opened my mouth to tell her I didn't need her to defend me then bit it back. She was obviously enjoying what was happening and relieved beyond measure that someone was finally putting him in his place, and loving being a part of that. Instead, I addressed him again. He really did need another warning considering he hadn't gotten the message before.

"And if you think for one second that I won't damage any other part of your anatomy, no matter how fucking important it might be, think again. If you ever touch me again, no matter how innocent it might be, I will not hesitate to do some real damage. Understand?"

He huffed loudly, his eyes still boring into mine. If he thought he was intimidating he was sorely mistaken. Unfortunately he was having other effects on me, and my little Bella was sending images of me being the one forced over the desk while he touched me in ways that were most definitely not innocent. I cursed the traitorous vixen and her very naughty ways. I had to do something before she went to the dark side.

I reached into my handbag and pulled out the Swiss army knife my Dad had given to me when I moved to New York. He could be very over-protective. He had originally wanted to get me a taser and some mace but I had talked him down. I flicked it open and it glinted under the fluorescent lights. He jumped as a small whimper escaped his lips and was jerked back down.

"FUCK! Put that away, I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I won't touch you again! I swear! Please don't hurt me!"

"Oh calm down you pussy I'm just cutting you free," I said as I gripped his tie and held the blade just below the knot, fighting back the images of begging and bondage that wanted to take over my mind, "Not that you deserve it. And even though I do deserve an apology I didn't expect it from a slimey jackass like you. But it is fun to hear you beg me…" More traitorous images clouded my mind but I forced them back out. " I wonder how long I could make you beg." Bad, bad mistake. Little Bella took that as an invitation, flooding my mind with naughty, naughty, naughty pictures. "Although I suppose I will accept your apology." I cut through his tie quickly and stepped back, flicking the blade closed and putting it back into my bag.

Jasper and Alice were completely still and silent, mouths wide open.

"Catching flies?" I asked them innocently.

Jasper cleared his throat and looked at Alice, who leaned over the desk to kiss lightly on the cheek as she picked up her bag.

"Alice, need a ride home?" I asked her.

"Oh, um, yeah. That would be great," she replied. I got the feeling it was a very rare occasion when she was caught off guard and at a loss for words. I was quietly proud of myself for being the cause of one such occasion.

"Excellent. See you tomorrow boys," I smiled at them before turning and heading back out. Alice followed me quickly.

"That was…that was…" she said, unable to finish her sentence.

My pride grew.

"Yep," I replied.

It wasn't long until we were in the car and leaving the parking lot. I was grateful for my car all over again when we were met by rain.

"Where to?" I asked.

"Claridge House, upper east side," she said, pointing in the direction I was already turning to.

"Great, I'm heading there anyway," I told her as I drove through the busy streets.

"Why are you going there?" she asked, looking at me.

"Because I'm stalking you!" I smirked. "Why do you think? I live there!" She smiled widely and her eyes shone brightly.

"Oh my God! It's like we're living together but we have lots more space! What floor are you on? What's your apartment number? Do you have a balcony? What's your view like?" she babbled, going into twenty-questions mode again.

"Twenty-ninth floor, apartment two-nine-four," I replied.

"Oh my God, I'm two-nine-nine! Just down the hall!"

I looked at her in disbelief.

"No kidding!" I smiled at her. She nodded vigorously. "Well now you have a ride everyday!"

"This is so brilliant! No more smelly cabs or dirty subways! Of course I'll pay for gas! This is going to be great! We're almost roomies only better!" she beamed.

We chatted about everything and nothing, comparing our apartments as we made our way back to our building and up to our floor.

"So, will it be safe to ask you about what happened back there tomorrow?" she asked as she smiled as me while eyeing me warily. I smiled at her warmly.

"Sure, I'll share it all!" I told her, "I'll need to get a few things off my chest!" She grinned at me broadly; I could see it was killing her not dragging the gossip out of me there and then! "But right now I need to shower and sleep! I'll see you at about five-thirty in the foyer?"

She nodded and wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tight. For such a tiny person she sure was strong!

"Goodnight Bella. I'm really so glad you're here! It's going to be so much fun and I know we're going to be the best of friends!"

I returned her hug and smiled.

"Thanks. I'm glad I'm here too!" And I really was, more than I thought I'd be that morning, and certainly more than I thought I'd be after my run-ins with the plastics jackass. But that was for more than one reason, many of which I refused to acknowledge. "Goodnight Alice."

We said our goodbyes and a few minutes later I was inside my apartment. I dropped my bag and jacket onto my bedroom floor and pulled my curtains closed. I pulled off my clothes and fell onto the bed. I was too tired to even think about finding pyjamas. Going into the bathroom, brushing my teeth and having a wash were just out of the question. I briefly thought about resuming my morning activity but I was just too tired to even try. Along with everything else it could wait until morning. I quickly fell into a deep sleep, anticipating what the next day would bring as I drifted off.

**A/N This is actually the part i've been dreading... it's COMMENT TIME! no not cheeko time I said COMMENT TIME there is a huge difference! ok so tell me what you think if it lived up to the hype.**

**The song for this chapter is Cold, Hard, Bitch by Jet one of my personal favorite songs I just thought it fit and was like one of those songs you hear at the end of an episode of Grey's Anatomy or something similar lol!**


	2. Chapter 2 Too Good Not To

**A/N:**

**I know this has been a long time coming but I hope it's worth it. This is Chapter 2 of Doctor's Orders, for those of you who have visited the blog and been into the surgery, big kisses and smooches cos the guys at the surgery f***in love your asses, as do I! For those of you who haven't... WHY THE FLUFF NOT? No pressure or anything but you have to have a go in the surgery... good things can only come from talking to my doctors. To my beta Legs, who is fabulous with the proofing and the awesome ideas, without her this wouldn't be possible! To Knat and Dana who have had so much fun in the surgery that one plans on coming back for some Dr. Whitlock lovin' and the other for making a whole story/episode out of being with Dr. Masen! You girls really do make my day, ask them about the surgery... they will tell you how good it is!**

**As usual I DO NOT OWN THE TWILIGHT SAGA, that includes names and shit but what I do own, are my doctors asses because I'm boss lady you know! Any way I hope you enjoy this chapter (in word it's 13 pages long) so I'm not scraping the barrel. I chose the song 'Carry out' by Justin Timberlake and Timberland. It's a sexy song and this is a sexy chapter so it fits! If anyone had any song suggestions for this chapter let me know and I can add them to the official play list!**

**Happy Reading!**

**xxx**

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**Chapter 2 ~ Too Good Not To**

Edward's POV

I had to admit I wasn't looking forward to meeting the new surgeon. I had the feeling she'd be a tight fisted old cow who had no sense of fucking playtime! But when sexy Swan...Can I call her that? Fuck, of course I can! She's not here but I'd love to piss her off with that! I'm sure she's hotter than hell when she's angry! Anyway, when the Pixie brought the sexy Swan through this morning...FUCK ME! I'd assumed she'd been informed about how the hospital staff...worked. We're a well oiled machine and do our jobs well, but at heart we were like the playboy mansion and I'd like to think of myself as a younger, and definitely more attractive, version of the old dog himself, Hugh Hefner.

I could get any girl I wanted, just one look would send their panties to the floor around their ankles quicker than you can say supply room quickie! I thought Dr. Swan would be just the same and I'd be getting some pussy for the first time in ages...three days was a lifetime to go without. And fresh pussy...fuck I couldn't wait! So when she dislocated my fucking fingers I knew I had my work cut out. It didn't help that Jasper was fucking pissing himself laughing behind me as I cursed and shouted! Traitorous, pussy-whipped jerk! Yes, I knew about him and the Pixie. As far as the situation with Swan was going, I knew I had to get my own back.

As it turns out, the fuckers I work with really are fuckers. Not a single one would willingly fix my fingers for me, so I decided to play a bit of blind fuckery as it were. I would tear Swan away from whatever the fuck she was doing to come and finish what she started and follow through by fixing me up. I walked up to the reception desk in the ER and told the poor excuse for a woman to page dearest Bella, telling her there was an emergency she had to deal with. I sauntered over to a private room but left the lights off. It may all have been part of my ingenious plan to get her down there but my fingers really did fucking hurt!

I sat on the edge of the gurney, my legs falling apart and swinging a little. I wasn't a cross-legged kinda guy, that position didn't leave enough room for my dick to be comfortable in its already tight confines. Also, it was kinda gay. It may have been my sense of humour that conjured up this plan but I was also extremely pissed, my hands literally were my livelihood. I perform surgery with them; I toss off with them, not that that happened often; I played piano and guitar with them; I drove with them; and, most importantly, I played a woman's body into ecstasy with them. Just thinking about what she might have done by damaging my hands made my forehead crease and my lips scowl.

I sat patiently for five minutes or so before I heard her rushed, almost panting voice stream through from reception. I heard her shoes click against the floor as she walked towards the room. She walked swiftly in, stopping halfway when she realised it was me.

"That's right Swan, you've been punk'd!" I was waiting for Ashton Kutcher to turn up in the little reverie but it was broken by the sound of her irritated voice.

"You have got to be kidding me...?"

I scowled at her and winced when I clenched my hand. She put her hand on her hip and bent her knee a little. Fuck she really was hot when she was angry.

"Well I don't need to get any closer since I already know what you did to them," she said matter of factly, although it couldn't be further from the truth. Bitch! Sexy as hell bitch though!

"What I did to them! You broke my damn fingers!" I would have added you crazy bitch but that part of her turned me on big time and my fingers still needed fixing.

"Correction, I dislocated them, and if you tell Carlisle that I did it I can always explain how you sexually harassed me. Now shut up and hold still, understand?"

She walked the rest of the distance towards me, standing just at the edge of my knees. She gently took my hand that I had rested on the bulge of my pants just to make her uncomfortable but her hand brushed against it as she picked up my hand it was hard to stifle a groan. She inspected my fingers first, which was the opposite of how I had pictured the day going. I had hoped at the beginning when I had met her that it would be me doing the inspecting of the fine body that resided underneath her casual pants suit.

She looked up at me briefly and I swore there was a hint of remorse in her eyes, before she pulled on the first finger and popped it back into place.

"FUCK! SHIT! BASTARD!" It fucking hurt! All three had successfully been popped back into place along with a few curse words. She bandaged me up and left me with some painkillers. I knew a painkiller that would do a better job and was more readily available but drugs are bad kids, remember that! As I breathed through the pain she picked up her clip board and turned to leave. I grabbed the back of her coat pulling her back to me. She wasn't getting away that easily!

"Let go of me, I have patients to see." She seethed at me as she turned.

"Be- Dr. Swan, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable before, I greet everyone like that. When working here you need to get used to the closeness..." I stroked her arm a little before hopping off the gurney and giving her ass a sharp slap. I heard her curse as I left and walked back to surgery. From what I'd felt she had an amazing body!

Just as I walked in Jasper was checking on a few patients that I was meant to deal with before I went hunting Swans.

"Where the hell have you been? I've had to do my work load and yours you lazy ass hat!"

I smirked at him, holding my hand up and stopping him before he threw the clipboard at me.

"Your plan worked then," he said as he glanced down at his clipboard before looking back at me.

"Like a charm...I like it when she's feisty!"

He laughed and left the private room, walking over to the nurse's station.

"Her feistiness got your fingers bust up in the first place. You got your ass kicked by a doctor, and a female doctor at that," he said a little too happily before continuing, "And you know what else? She's new too!" he finished as he handed me some files.

"Oh fuck off! She's probably on her period...that's why she's so damn pissed, not because I groped her!" It really was the only logical reason for her behaviour.

He scrunched his nose up in distaste.

"Thanks for the info," he said with too much a touch of sarcasm, "I do however find it fucking hilarious that you've decided to chase after the pussy instead of waiting for it to come to you."

I scowled at him as I went to do my rounds. I wasn't chasing her; this was just a minor setback. She'd be putty in my hands by tomorrow. I decided that we had just gotten off on the wrong foot, but in my defence she had looked at me with those 'come to bed' eyes I knew so well from so many others, and that whimper did indicate that she was enjoying it! Something told me that either she wasn't getting any or what she was getting applied to the question 'is it really worth it?'.

Jasper and I had finished any major work we had by about ten but Carlisle had kept us both on call that night so we couldn't go home until the next morning. It wasn't too bad; we had a great on call room. It was like a fucking hotel room to be honest, better than my damn apartment. We were sitting at the nurse's station, swivelling on the office chairs and getting extremely fucking dizzy when one of the patients buzzed in. We both got up at the same time but neither made it past the desk without falling into the wall. I staggered into the ward, trying to regain my balance when I saw it was Irina pressing that goddamn bell. She had a habit of calling me in when she knew we were on call because the nurses only attended in dire emergencies.

"Dr. Mason, can you fluff my pillow a little? I can't sleep." I rolled my eyes and walked over to her. She knew how to push my buttons and I wasn't afraid of telling her what I thought. Yeah she'd get angry, but she would only ever get her flush husband to spend thousands of dollars on surgery to be done by either myself or Jazz. Usually, to my displeasure, it was me.

"Does this look like a hotel? Do I look like a fucking bus boy? Do it your fucking self!" It felt really good to get all that out, Swan had me all pent up from earlier and I needed to release some hostility. Irina was perfect, she even deserved it!

To tell you the truth, this place was like a bloody hotel in terms of how classy and upscale it was. But let's get one thing straight, I'm not the hired help. I'm like god in this place.

She furrowed her brow, creating worry lines on her forehead. I took this opportunity to rub some salt in the wound, and let off a little more steam. She wasn't getting any younger, and with the amount of arguments she got into those lines were slowly turning into wrinkles, even at the age of twenty-seven!

"I wouldn't furrow your brow like that if I were you; you already look like you need some work done on your forehead. Now stop fucking pestering me!"

Her eyes widened as I turned to leave, walking back to the nurse's station where Jasper had the pre- and post-op pictures of some of the patients.

"Mrs. Denali I presume by the look on your face. What did she want this time?" He didn't look up from the pictures.

"Fluff my pillows! Kiss my ass! Fuck my brains out!" Her husband had no idea what he'd gotten himself into when he married that piece of ass.

He looked up and raised an eyebrow at me.

"She actually said that to you?"

In all honesty I wouldn't put it past her.

"No but give the woman time, not that I would. Gold diggers aren't my type."

He scoffed loudly.

"Edward...females are your type as long as they have looks and no personality."

I gave him the finger and sat back in my original spot. I picked up one of the pictures of a patient who had been flat chested, and I mean flat chested. Like someone had taken an iron press to the poor chick! But then you look at the after pictures and you see how our handy work made not only her boyfriend happy but also the woman herself, gaining more confidence. I held the picture up to him.

"What size?" I asked. My favourite game.

He glanced over, scrutinizing the picture.

"Thirty-four double-F I think. I wouldn't have gone that big considering what she was before but work is work!" Too right!

We both laughed then went looking through the other pictures. It wasn't long before I could hear Irina calling my name.

"Irina, you're really trying my patience. Shut the fuck up or I'll take you back into surgery and do a reduction!" That shut the whiney cow up.

"She should shop you for talking to her like that y'know," Jasper commented.

I shrugged my shoulders. I suppose she really could.

"She should but she won't 'cos I'm the only one that does a good enough job and you refuse to operate on her so...Plus, money is money my friend. She pays for quality, I give her quality. Aftercare though isn't my specialty."

He rolled his eyes and we went back to playing guess the breast size game. It really was a good way to pass the time when there was nothing to do.

We had been sitting there guessing breast sizes for at least half an hour before the Pixie and Sexy Swan walked in. I knew she couldn't resist seeing me again!

"Do you to have nothing better to do than guess the breast sizes?" Alice said in her annoying Pixie voice.

Jasper grinned the cheesiest love-sick fucking grin I have ever seen in my life. The guy was whipped and they weren't technically dating, but it was only a matter of time before he asked her. I turned to look at Swan, examining her in her everyday clothes and fuck me if I wasn't hard looking at how her green shirt stretched and gaped slightly over her perfect breasts.

"Thirty-four C Swan, and you have a nice firm ass too!" I smirked at her and that all too familiar scowl that made my cock twitch spread across her face.

I stood up from my swivel chair and leaned towards her over the desk, much like Jasper was with Alice. It surprised me a little when she leant into me, my breath sweeping over her face. She closed her eyes and inhaled, moaning a little as she exhaled and opened her eyes again.

While she was enchanted by my devilish good looks (yeah I know I'm good looking, and I know I'm ass but it doesn't bother me in the slightest, I'm a sexy as fuck ass), I took the liberty of placing my hand over hers. I really did enjoy being on top! Not that I didn't enjoy being on the bottom and watching the view either! Now, I don't care what anyone says, it was there for at least five minutes before she shook her head and looked down at our hands. She smiled at me and started flirting. And as much as I should have suspected she was only playing with me I couldn't help but enjoy the way she looked up at me as she told me how handsome I am. I knew she liked me! She was just shy and didn't want to admit it. I still had it! I'd never fucking lost it!

She bit and licked her lips repeatedly and batted her eyelashes at me. But no amount of flirting could prepare me for what she did next. I heard six sharp bangs before she slowly stepped away from me, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. I tried to straighten up but was yanked back down to the desk. I looked down. The bitch had stapled me to the desk! And not only that, she'd stapled my favourite fucking tie! I jerked my head back but it was like the tie was fucking welded to the damn desk! And then it started to strangle me a little. Bloody noose! I kept pulling and yanking, only to hear her laughter joined by the fucking Pixie's.

"What the fuck Swan?" I pushed hard on the desk with my hands flat against the surface, but it was no use.

"I thought I made myself clear earlier about you keeping your hands to yourself. Maybe I should have broken your fingers; clearly dislocating them didn't make the blindest bit of fucking difference." Bitch!

I stared intently at her. I was angry, there was no denying that. Just like there was no denying the way my cock stirred in my pants, showing its enjoyment of her feistiness. He was a fucking traitor!

"And I fucking told you to lighten up a little!" I snapped back at her.

She opened her mouth to say something but looked at the Pixie first, who shook her head. Yeah, listen to Pixie sweet cheeks.

"Edward, she doesn't need to lighten up, it's just you that rubs her up the wrong way. Now stop being an ass hat and don't touch her unless she wants you to!" Her voice could be annoying but she may or may not have had a point. This got me thinking...

Hmm... I'll rub her up alright once she calms down a bit. But then again, I could see Bella being rough and I did enjoy it rough!

"Alice, thank you for that but I can fight my own corner," Swan started again, "As for you..." She looked at me and I snapped my head around to look at her. She looked pissed but the lines on her forehead were cute, unlike Irina's which added about twenty years to her!

"If you think for one second that I won't damage any other part of your anatomy, no matter how fucking important it might be you are seriously mistaken because if you touch me again I won't hesitate in doing more damage next time. Understand?" Fuck she was sexy when she was scary! Traitorous cock agreed with me. Yes I know big guy, I'll look after you later.

I huffed at her. I wasn't about to be ordered about by a woman, no matter how fine her ass might be! I don't do well with any kind of authority. I am Master and I am Lord of all I see and do.

I continued to try and pull myself free when she walked back over to the desk and stood in front of me again. She reached into her hand bag and pulled out an army knife! A big-ass, could do some serious damage, mess you up, scar you badly for life fucking army knife. What the fuck was she doing with that in her handbag? I'd heard of women holding the contents of their house in there such as a kitchen sink but not a damn knife! Mary Poppins pulled a damn lamp out of her bag but not a damn army knife! She flicked it open and I will admit I did feel myself jump a little, but being stapled to the bloody desk meant I didn't move anywhere and ended up choking myself a little bit more. So not only was I stuck to a table slowly choking to death, I was also about to be knifed by a woman half my size! I knew she was angry but not that damn angry! I didn't have any last requests, none that she'd listen to anyway. I'd always expected to die in a spectacular way, go out with a bang or banging someone! This was not what I'd had in mind!

"FUCK! Put that away...I'm sorry...I'm sorry, I won't touch you again!" In this kind of situation I was not above apologising, even if I didn't mean a single syllable of it!

She slipped the blade underneath my tie, too fucking close to my neck for comfort. It was like one of those bad slasher movies and I was the victim. Why were Jasper and Alice just standing there?

"Oh calm down you pussy! I'm cutting you free, not that you deserve it and I don't accept your apology but it's fun to hear you beg me!"

I'd have scowled if I wasn't bricking it! She pulled the knife up fast and cut straight through my tie. Fuck that thing was sharp!

I opened my eyes just as she flipped it closed and put it back into her bag. By the time my mind had caught up and processed exactly what had happened, she and Alice had left. I looked at Jasper, who was busy trying to stifle a smirk and swallow a laugh. I scowled at him, picked up the clock on the desk and hurled it at him. He ducked and it hit the wall, smashing to pieces. My tie was still stapled to the desk but I was too angry to do anything about it. I stormed off to the on-call room, locked the door behind me and slumped onto the bed in the middle of the room.

I ran my hands through my hair roughly, sighing heavily and angrily. Why was she fucking getting to me? She was just like any other woman I'd met and found attractive. The only difference was with the others it was only a matter of time before their panties dropped and they were mine, but with Dr. Swan it was different. She was frigged; much like I had expected but fuck me she was beautiful. And that feistiness had my dick doing somersaults to get close to her, or into her! It spurred me on to get her even more worked up so he could get his five seconds of happiness! She shouldn't be different, there was no way she could be, but there was something else there that I couldn't put my finger on, and it bothered me. Not that the big guy cared, any thought of her made me happy!

I stood up, pulled my coat off and threw it onto the chair in the corner. At that moment I'd never before wished to not be on call as much as I was wishing it right then. If I was in my own apartment I could be stripped down to my boxers. The on-call room would just have to do. Jazz wouldn't need me for a couple of hours. Besides, he had the nurses to help if there were any problems, I was completely confident in his ability to do his job.

I climbed into the bed. I'll admit it was comfy as hell but there's nothing like your own sheets and your own bed. I lay there, waiting for my eyes to close but I couldn't sleep. For the first time in over three years I couldn't get to sleep. I'd never been so fucking sexually frustrated, and none of my girls were working tonight!

I lay there, silently disgusted with myself for contemplating what I was about to do, something I hadn't done in quite a while, as I slipped my hand past my waistband and into my boxers. I found the big guy, who was hard as a rock, and wrapped my hand around the shaft. That first slow pump from base to tip was enough to make me groan and I increased the friction, squeezing my hand as I reached the swollen tip. I felt my balls tighten, sooner than they had since my first sexual encounter, as my release came close. I increased the pace, roughly sliding my hand up and down my length, arching my back as I came hard into my hand. I was still rubbing my cock as I came down from my release. I groaned, and not in a good way, at the fact that I'd just been forced to toss myself off in the on-call room to get rid some frustration that was still fucking lingering.

I climbed out of the bed and made my way into the adjoining bathroom to wash off and clean myself up. I looked into the mirror at my reflection. I looked as shattered as I felt. The day had been longer than anticipated and annoying as hell, but I was determined to get Swan exactly where I wanted her, writhing beneath me and screaming my name as I pounded into her over and over again. It would just take a bit more time, I could deal with that. I always liked a challenge. A challenge was good. It made the conquering more enjoyable!

I climbed back into the bed and lay flat on my stomach. I wrapped my arms around one of the pillows and buried my face in it. As soon as I made contact with the soft pillow I was out.

There hadn't been any problems during the night so I was able to get a full eight hours sleep in before having to get up at six the next morning to do my rounds. I reluctantly dragged myself out of the bed and took leak then cleaned myself up ready for another day of sparing with the Swan. I knew I only had about four hours to do so, but a lot could be done in the space of four hours! I walked out of the on call room to find Jasper holding a pile of paper work, which he unceremoniously pushed at me.

"Since I let you sleep for eight hours last night you can do the paper work that you missed while I go catch some z's." He forced it all into my arms, walked into the on-call room and locked the door. I was sitting at the nurses station, filling in fucking prescriptions and checking over patient notes when Alice came bounding in.

"Hey douche have you seen Jasper today?" She was way too fucking chirpy in the mornings.

I glanced up at her then went back to the fucking paperwork.

"On call room. He's probably sleeping you know, he's been working all night." I wasn't an evil bastard after all, despite was public knowledge seemed to suggest.

She nodded but walked over to the door anyway.

"Hey, has Dr. Swan come in yet?" Curious minds and all.

She turned on her heel and walked back to the nurse's station.

"Yeah she gave me a lift in. We live in the same building and..."

"You live in the same building?" Interesting knowledge, good to know, hmm...

"That's what I just said," she snapped, which I ignored because she had my interest, "Same floor and everything! Like doors down from each other!" She was way too excitable. How much sugar did she have for breakfast?

So I actually had an excuse to bump into her outside of work, I went to Alice's with Jasper all the time. This was going to be so much fun!

I pulled open the drawer beside me and handed her the on-call room key o she could get in. This was a regular occurrence, her sneaking in followed by the muffled moans and screams they tried to contain as they got off on each other. I placed it on the desk and she picked it up quickly, cupping it in her hands as she jumped up and down like a kangaroo on crack. She leant over the desk and pressed her lips to mine before skipping off to the on-call sex room and leaving me to my work. Definitely too much sugar for breakfast...

"What would Jasper think of that Pixie, you tongued me?" I called after her as I filled in yet another form.

I smirked as I heard her heals clicking back over to the desk. I didn't look up as she cleared her throat.

"Edward...you know what?" she said a little too innocently.

"What?" I glanced up at her.

"Screw you!" she laughed. I grinned and laughed along with her.

"Alice, I like a challenge and more inventive come backs, like Sexy Swan."

Shit... did I seriously just say that? It slipped out before I realised what I was saying! I looked back at the paperwork and felt her staring at me.

"I think you like the fact that she's making it hard for you to get into her panties!" she laughed before clicking off again.

I flipped her the bird and she carried on towards her impending orgasm or two. That was when I heard another throat clearing. I looked up to see Dr. Swan standing in the nurse's station next to me.

"Jesus Swan, you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Now that would be a happy bonus! But sadly, no. One, you're in the wrong department; two, I'm not dreaming; and three, I came, against my better judgement, to begrudgingly ask you if you wanted to come to a house-warming party Saturday night." She folded her arms over her beautiful chest as I slowly turned in my chair a la Dr. Evil in 'Austin Powers'. Now, if only I had the pussy that was a few inches in front of me my act would be complete. Yes I know big guy, she is a fucking tease.

We were silent for a few moments, and it brightened my mood a whole lot watching her getting more and more pissed off!

"Well?" she snapped at me.

"Well...considering the fact that this does seem rather uncomfortable for you, and also the fact that you just admitted that you dream about me Swan, which I'd like to find out more about might I add, I'd say that it's a very firm and confident yes. Just to spite you of course, not because I want to." The look on her face was priceless, and to be placed in the spank bank for future reference when a woman was just moving all wrong. What? Pussy is pussy and the big guy needs somewhere hot and wet to camp out for a while.

She rolled her eyes at me then leant down and braced her hands on the arms of the chair I was sitting in, her face just inches from mine. I could smell her minty breath from her perfect teeth and imagined my tongue swirling around said teeth, tasting her.

"Oh we both know you want to Edward," she said way too fucking seductively for the nurse's station. And fuck me the way she said my name made my dick twitch traitorously, which didn't go unnoticed. Stupid fucking traitor of a dick! I would vow revenge but that would just be cutting my dick off to spite my face or something like that.

"Seems as though part of you at least can't wait to be inside me...oops! I mean my apartment!" she smirked at me. Teasing pussy-flag waver at the dick-bull!

I scowled at her as she pushed up from the chair.

"You wouldn't have asked me if you didn't want me to go Swan. You could have just not asked."

"Ah, but then you'd have come with Jasper anyway so there would be no getting rid of you. Besides, Alice asked me to invite you because Jasper needs to be around someone he can...I wouldn't say relates to but can at least have some sort of conversation with. Not intelligent conversation but conversation nonetheless." She smirked then walked out of the department. I groaned, for two reasons. One, because this was the second time she'd left me hard as a fucking rock; and two, because she had left before I had time for a comeback.

I was broken out of my reverie by the sounds of Jasper shouting for Alice to "Keep going baby almost there!" which, quite frankly, made me gag so I decided to go for a walk around the wards. I walked out of the nurse's station and was confronted with the most enormous chick I'd ever seen in my life. She looked like she'd been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say 'when'.

"Exsqueeze me Jabba," I said as I squeezed myself between her and the desk. I then strode off towards the ward as she gasped and began shouting. Fuck, I know I don't have the best bed side manner, not like the cowboy in the other room but it works for me. And as long as I got my job done what harm did it do? I had never had a complaint made against me the entire time I'd worked here.

"Yes, yes madam. I'm well aware that you desperately need the operation. I mean, look at you! But I do have other patients to see and if you've waited so long that you're at that size I'm pretty sure you can wait another twenty minutes while I do my job." Her mouth gaped open.

"I'd close that if I were you, that's what got you into this..." I gestured towards her enormous middle, "...mess in the first place. Am I right?" She closed her mouth tight and scowled at me. Thought so.

"Jane do you think you could get Mrs...?" I shook my head a little clicking my finger at her to get her name.

"Bennett. Dr. Masen, my name is Mrs Bennett." She said it to me as if I should know. Love, you're just another number to me.

"Sure, ok. Can you get Mrs. Bennett's notes and find her something stable to lie or sit on? We don't need broken furniture." Jane sniggered then hurried about her business as I strode off to check the other women in the ward. Every time I walked in their faces lit up, especially Irina's.

"Oh no...!" she shrieked out in faux pain as I walked in.

"Dr. Masen, please, I'm in so much pain!" She even added the back of her hand to her forehead as she tilted her head back. I groaned loudly, letting her know just how irritated I was. I was making my way over to her when Alice called my name from the nurse's desk.

"Oh thank God! I mean...oh who am I kidding!" came out of my mouth before I made for the door.

I made a quick getaway towards Alice and a very dishevelled looking Jasper.

"Shorty, do you realise how much I wanna fuck those pretty curls of yours into a frenzy?" She screwed her face up in disgust.

"Ew Edward, gross!" she squealed like a little girl before getting serious again. Her mood swings could really give a guy whiplash if he wasn't careful! "Ok, so I'm guessing you haven't seen Bella so you're coming to the party Saturday ok?" It may have sounded like a question but it was really a demand.

"Actually, Swan has been down here and she has asked me to be inside her...apartment on Saturday partaking in the partay!"

She smirked.

"Wow, she's got more balls than I thought. By the way, she hasn't asked a thing about you since the incident last night so I wouldn't get your hopes up about being 'inside her' anytime soon!" She winked at me then kissed Jasper, who was still looking like he'd been fucked silly, which I didn't doubt in the least. As soon as the Pixie was out of hearing range I spoke.

"Swan wants it, I know she does. It's just a matter of time before she comes to her senses and lets me fuck them out of her!" I shoved my hands in my pockets and walked off to the canteen to get something to help me wake up a little.

It was almost empty, except for a few of the interns milling around. I hated interns, they never did their jobs right and you had to treat them like toddlers, taking things one step at a time and using simple terms. Also in the canteen, to my very fortunate benefit, was one Dr. Swan, sitting by the window, alone. She was sipping a coffee as she flicked through a magazine. The way she licked her finger to turn every page made me shiver a little with excitement, and it woke the big guy right up too!

I went to the machine, pressed the buttons and got myself a cup of coffee. Another one of the perks of working at Lennox Hill, the coffee; was second only to the coffee shop down the street. Any other hospital had swill. I took a sip the strolled over to where Swan was sitting and stood behind her to read over her shoulder.

"Five steps to getting the most out of your orgasm...Which one are you up to Swan?" She didn't jump or flinch or do anything that suggested she'd even heard me; she just sat there and continued to sip her coffee.

"I always get the best out of my orgasms Mason, DIY is a favourite of mine. I know what I like and how I like it. Hasn't failed me yet."

FU-UCK! Ok so I know three things about Swan that made me horny as hell: one, she has a temper that does very bad things in a very good way to my cock; two, she dreams about me, which also does very bad things in a very good way to my cock; and three, my favourite of my newly found pieces of information, she masturbates. Now to me, pleasuring a woman is one of my favourite past-times of all time, but the fact that she does it to herself is so fucking hot! It also makes me wonder what the heck is wrong with her boyfriend if her hand has to constantly make acquaintance with her pussy. And fuck I was way too hard again. Calm down big guy.

"Is that while you're dreaming of me Swan?" Totally worth it, even though made the big guy twitch in blind hope! Not yet big guy but soon, very soon.

"Yeah, killing you in different ways gets me all hot and bothered. You can actually hear me screaming 'DIE MOTHERFUCKER' while I'm tending to my lady garden." She never blinked, batted an eyelid or missed a beat.

I raised an eyebrow. Ok, so sparing with Swan was a new favourite past-time of mine.

"Good to know Swan, I might have to piss you off more, so one day you do actually say my name out loud. Promise me you'll record that shit?"

"Sure thing. I'll put it on a mix tape for you with the rest of the fuckery I get up to while you're not leering over my shoulder. How's that sound asshole?" She turned her head slightly to glare at me. Fuck that look was sexy as hell. The big guy agreed wholeheartedly.

"Sounds awesome. When can I expect it to be done? I'm in need of something good to listen to," I smirked in reply. She was just too much fun! I had a feeling she was even more fun in the bedroom, or any surface useable for fucking on. Again, the big guy agreed wholeheartedly, and was more than willing to find out.

She ignored me and went back to flicking through her magazine. I walked around the table and sat opposite her. She huffed in irritation and flicked through her magazine furiously. She was in serious danger of getting a paper cut. Maybe I could suck the wound clean, and then she could suck me clean...

"I'm sorry Masen did that sound like an invitation for you to sit down?" Ooo, Snarky Swan was just as sexy!

"I can sit where I like Swan, it's a free country. Besides, you looked like a loser sat here on your own. You need someone cool like me sitting with you." I really was that awesome.

She scoffed loudly and nearly choked on her coffee. Even that was sexy. Replace that coffee with another warm liquid and this picture would be complete.

"The only way I would need something cool next to me is if I was on fire, and even if you were the last man on earth with the capability of putting out that fire I'd rather burn to death!" she snapped.

She quickly got up out of her seat, closing the magazine sharply, and threw her empty coffee cup into the trash. I could hear her cursing under her breath as she stormed off. She was playing with me; she flirted like she wanted me but cursed and yelled at me like she hated me. Operation get under Swan's skin was going perfectly and according to plan. Pretty soon I'd be deep under, in her hot, wet, tight recesses.

I had an hour left before my shift was over so I decided to do some recon with Alice. I wanted to know more things about Swan that I could use to get even closer to blowing her gasket. She was already close to boiling point with me, and with anger I've found sex usually follows, or at least angry lip locking. As if someone was smiling down on me I didn't even have to leave my seat, she came rushing over to me.

"What did you do to Bella? She's storming around the wards like some whore fucked her boyfriend!" Pixie sure did have a vivid choice of words!

She sat down opposite me and stared at me intently. Undressing me with her eyes or looking for gossip, I couldn't tell. Likely the latter, possibly both. I mean, who wouldn't want to see what I keep hidden under this material?

"And I would know because...?"

"Because it's blatantly obvious that you had something to do with it! Nobody makes enemies like you do, you're extremely quick!"

"Hey! Don't go shouting that out, women will think I'm not worth it Shorty! Besides, I haven't done anything to her. She shouted at me, not the other way around!" Why the fuck did she always blame me for shit? Granted it was usually my fault but still!

"What did you do?"

"I'm insulted..." She cut me off sharply before I could finish what I wanted to say.

"Cut the shit Edward! What have you done? She's been here two minutes and you've managed to alienate her _and_ make an enemy of her. Don't you want her to like you?" I suppose she had a point, but Swan seemed too uptight. I was hoping part of her body was tight, but her personality needed to loosen up a little.

"I don't want her to like me Alice; I'm not that kind of guy. I want her to want me and need me!" She rolled her eyes at me.

"You're such an arrogant pig Edward, why can't you be like Jasper? He's charming and such a gentleman and he could take his pick of women who want and need him AND he's not an asshole while going about it!"

She really didn't know much did the Pixie. I was being myself; chicks always tell you to be yourself. My mother, Elizabeth, was always telling me to be myself around people. Why go against what I was thought and break with tradition now?

"I said I'd come to her party didn't I? That's being nice!" My presence at any party made it so much better so my agreeing to go could only be a good thing!

"No, her asking you was being nice considering how much of a bastard you've been since she started!" Oh what did she know?

"Alice, she gives as good as she gets. She enjoys sparing with me and I can bet you any fucking money that she thinks and dreams about me! In fact, she fucking admitted it to me." I could feel myself getting worked up. I craved her hate. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that she loved to hate me and that is what would make this game even more fucking exciting! Glad you agree big guy.

* * *

COMMENTS MAKE LEMONYSUGAR HAPPY! NUFF SAID!


	3. Chapter 3 'This is a party'

**A/N:**

**Just a quickie since I've made you wait incredibly long for this and I hope you still love it, me or whatever. Ok so I'd like the thank the usuals, my beta Legs who god bless her is so snowed under with work yet she managed to beta this for me! My new pre-reader! LeechLover EightyOne who is awesome amundo oh she made a video for this so check it out it's fabulous. I'd like to thank my facebook wifey to be who is just amazing Anadabyel… nuff said really the woman is an amazing lover. To Knat my role play buddy to whom without I would get extremely bored in lectures at university and on the bus ride home. Ok enough now they know how much I love them all! I hope you enjoy this chapter and I am planning on putting chapters for this out every 2 weeks if possible RL permitting!**

**Enjoy my lovelies!**

**x**

**Chapter 3 - This is a party not a booty call**

My first week at Lenox Hill had been...eventful, to say the least. Despite my heavy workload I had managed to make friends and have a semblance of a social life. However, nothing so positive could be said for my relationship with Edward 'dipshit' Masen. He had not too slowly over the course of the week managed to not only alienate me but I could also honestly say that I hated the man with a passion. He was the most chauvinistic, arrogant pig I had ever met. The problem was that I had stupidly invited him to the house-warming party at my apartment Alice had insisted on. I knew she would have invited him to appease Jasper and I hoped he was only coming to have a good time and socialise. However, I knew there were two other reasons he was coming. One, he'd be able to snoop around my living space and through all of my possessions. Two, he knew just how much it was going to piss me off popping up every five minutes while I was mingling with my guests after all the crap, performances and stunts he'd pulled all week. He would no doubt be like a dog not so discretely humping my leg as I weaved around people dancing and drinking.

I had no idea how many people Alice had invited, but what better way to make new friends than to invite complete strangers into your home? Alice had kindly offered to come food shopping with me so we could get plenty to feed the onslaught of people that would be stepping over my threshold. Then again she'd invited them all so she knew what I would need. When I woke up that morning I lazily threw my les over the side of the bed as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, feeling like there were little men holding the lids down like there was something saucy hidden behind them they didn't want to share. I'll tell you now, what's behind those flimsy curtains ain't pretty. I pushed myself off the bed and staggered into the bathroom, groping around the sink for my toothbrush. I knew the only logical way to find the little fucker would be to open my eyes but I swear they were welded shut. I actually had to prise them open with my thumb and forefinger. Note to self, do not do this to eyes while standing in front of a mirror unless you want to almost shit yourself again.

_You might not be so lucky next time. I never thought we'd get bad enough to have to wear diapers at the tender age of twenty-seven._

As if this ass is anywhere near needing diapers! Please! This ass could make diapers fashionable.

And as if by magic my inner monologue was back. I hadn't heard from her since I'd first met Alec. She was never too sure of him but the sex had been great.

I filled the sink and splashed my face at least ten times to wake my lazy ass up. I pulled the toothpaste from the cupboard and probably squeezed too much onto the brush and scrubbed my teeth before going to find something to wear. I put on my high-waisted jeans, they made my ass look fabulous and my stomach completely flat. Now I was nowhere near a porker but working as a doctor can go one of two ways; either you eat very little and weight isn't an issue or you eat too much crap at crazy hours and get a spare tyre creeping around your middle. Now I didn't have a spare training wheel let alone a tyre, but I was on my way to getting one and had yet to sort out a gym membership. It's on my to do list, stop with the pressure. I'd do it tomorrow, I needed to enjoy the colossal drinking session I was planning for my party and then make it better in the morning. Yes, that's right people, I said drinking session, Edward 'dipshit' Masen has driven me to drink.

I threw on the rest of my outfit, hoping Alice would approve. I'm not five but that little woman is a big scary bitch. She'd made a habit out of making me change repeatedly before giving up completely and dressing me up like Barbie, then we'd argue for ten minutes before reaching a compromise we both could live with. The girl just did not do boundaries, and if I were a lesbian I would totally enjoy those time together.

I picked up my purse and car keys and headed out the door, locking it behind me before I headed the short distance down the hall to Alice's apartment. I could hear giggling as I knocked on the door.

"Just a second...!" she called through the door, sounding flustered. Either she was tending to her lady garden or Jasper hadn't stayed at his own condo last night. I was guessing it was the latter. Not everyone was as unlucky as me when it came to sexual activities. Also, she may appear to follow him around like a love-sick puppy but in actuality she had him wrapped around her little finger tighter than a tiny condom on a very well-endowed cock.

"Alice, I can always go shopping by myself if you're too busy fornicating with Jasper."

And bingo! The giggling and muffled groaning stopped.

"No!" she yelped. "I'm not fornicating with Jasper..." she laughed nervously, "What makes you think that?

"Don't insult my intelligence Ms. Brandon, I know sex noises when I hear them."

The front door swung open, revealing Alice in a silk nightdress and Jasper...well, he was a sight and a half for sore eyes. He was tied to a dining room chair with a pillow covering his junk. Well, I say covering...

"Well good morning Mr. Whitlock." I said in that sexy Pussy Galore fashion when greeting James Bond.

He grinned at me broadly. "Mornin' Bella."

I grinned widely as I turned back to Alice.

"So not so much fornicating as light bondage..."

"Please don't tell Edward," Alice begged me, it really didn't suit her. "It's really none of his business anyway." And there she was.

Jasper was still smirking up at her.

"Oh don't worry, I have no intention of telling dipshit, I mean Edward, no I do mean dipshit. I assure you." I placed my hand over my heart and shook a little as I contained my laughter.

Just as I finished speaking a throat cleared behind me. I turned to see the dipshit himself standing right behind me. And ladies, when I say right behind me I mean cock-penetration very possible right behind me.

"Did I just walk into a porno?" he asked inquisitively, annoying bastard. "Of course not. Swan, you've still got all your clothes on! Here," he someone got even closer, "Let me help you with that."

His hand grazed the curve of my ass, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't moan just a little. Silently of course, I didn't want him thinking I was enjoying it. Because I wasn't.

_And denial is a river in Egypt._

Shut up!

I turned to face him, forced to tilt my head up to see his face.

"Do you remember what happened the last time you touched me like that? You're lucky I only dislocated them. Now get your grubby, womanizing mitts off of me you perv!"

_Don't you mean on?_

Oh get fucked!

_I'm trying, I'm trying!_

His hands retreated to his chest and he winced. Yeah, he remembered not being able to whack off for a while.

"Bella..." he purred, "That hurt!" Smug, sexy bastard.

_The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it Bella._

Oh get a grip! He's not a temptation, he's a pain in the ass! And since when did you go all Oscar Wilde on me?

I was broken out of my argument with the inner slut by his sexy voice again. Voice! I mean his voice.

"Jasper, dude, I never knew you were into that kinky shit!" he laughed loudly, looking like an idiot as he was the only one. Well, he didn't need to laugh to look like an idiot but it sure helped! Alice stared at him with her hands on her hips, clearly pissed. And ladies and gentlemen, she is not a woman you want pissed.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" she glared up at him, her voice dangerously controlled. I thought his face might melt off.

"Well pixie, your little prisoner what the fuck ever," he began as he waved in Jasper's direction, "Was meant to meet me at the gym an hour ago so _exsqueeze _me for coming to find the fucker. I figured he'd be whoring it up with you."

He turned his head and smiled crookedly at me. Shit, hadn't realised I'd been staring at him.

Look away Bella, avert your eyes!

_But he's so pretty..._

Shut up! You're not helping.

I scowled and swallowed thickly, two things I never thought possible to exist together in the exact same moment, but when you're arguing with your inner voice and a wet dream is standing in front of you...

I looked away to clear my head, switching my view to Alice who looked utterly defeated but still a determined fighter. Nothing ever stopped her, she was like a Duracell bunny on crack.

"Fine, take him! But I want him back in perfect shape for the party tonight." She even had that scary-ass finger of hers out and working overtime!

"What do you think we go to the gym for? And Jazz, get dressed. I'm not going outside with you butt nekked," he ordered, "Again." he added after a moment. Now there was something I was going to have to find out more about...but another time. Too many other things to worry about, including hurricane Alice on the horizon.

"Yeah come on Alice, we have tonnes of shopping to do. This was your idea after all. I thought you'd be out the door at the crack of dawn!

She dipped her head as if she was ashamed. Tut tut tut Alice Brandon...but then I saw the smirk and knew she was nothing of the sort!

"Give us...ten minutes," she said before hooshing us out the door and slamming it in our faces.

It was only after I'd nodded my head and found myself face-to-face with her door that I realised I'd be stuck out in the hall with the sexy dipshit, I mean the dipshit, for those ten minutes.

"Great," I sighed, annoyed. After all, he was still an annoying as fuck bastard.

_Sexy annoying as fuck bastard you want to..._

Oh shut up!

Even my traitorous girly bits were singing an opera for him. It's not over until the waxed kitty purrs huh?

"So, what time do you want me tonight Swan?" he smirked, all pleased with himself and shit like he'd made some hilarious joke.

_A quarter to sex, horny, wet and ready._

Shut up you whore!

_I'm you so you're the whore._

Am not!

_Are too!_

Am not!

_You have to be the only 'whore' on the planet that ain't getting any honey. Poor baby._

Oh hush.

I leant against the wall next to Alice's door, blocking out the moans and giggles coming from the other side, and looked up at him.

"You seriously think I'm happy to wait out her and make small talk with you? And I don't want you at all, nobody in their right mind would want you in their house, except maybe your mother. Then again, she's kind of forced to have you there!"

_Methinks the lady doth protest too much..._

You're grating on my nerves now.

"So we're onto 'you're mom' jokes now? Ok Swan, whatever floats your boat..."

I put my finger up in front of his face to shut him up for my next verbal assault.

"Is that for me to suck on?"

Yes please.

_That one was you._

Was not!

_Was so!_

Was not!

_Was so!_

Was not!

_Check the transcript honey!_

It was not! Now shut up!

_Whatever._

I glared at him.

"Don't start with the whole 'your mother' thing. I don't want to know anything about the poor woman who was forced to raise you and I'm not divulging any information about mine either, so you can cut the chit chat and go wait in your car.

"Last time I looked this was a communal hall Bella."

"Fine, then I'll go wait in my car. I really don't need the air I'm breathing to be more polluted than it already is. And if you stand any closer I might go all exorcist and spew on you."

"So damn sexy Swan, you blow my mind!"

_I know something to blow..._

Your brains out if you don't shut up!

_Oh tell me you weren't thinking it!_

Shut up!

_See?_

"It's the only damn thing I will be blowing, so sorry to burst your bubble!" I smirked as I turned and sauntered down the hall to the elevator.

"So shall we say about nine then?" he smirked triumphantly, like he'd actually gotten what he wanted! Jerk!

I flipped him the bird and took the elevator down to the main reception.

...

"Don't you think this dress is a little tight Alice?"

If fit like a very small child's glove, my boobs were popping out from every angle and I'm sure my vagina was on display it was so short. She waved her hand at me and frowned.

"Oh don't be silly Bella, you look hot. You want to impress Alec and Edward don't you?" She giggled at the last name and the look of thunder on my face. She may be hurricane Alice but I was hurricane fucking Bella and I'd just about had enough of her little comments! But I held in my anger.

Yes, Edward was coming to the party but I had no desire to impress him.

_Yeah right._

What did I tell you?

_Seen and not heard._

Exactly.

_But technically you can't see me and since it's one or the other..._

Whore.

_Still you honey._

I rolled my eyes and ignored her some more. Besides, Alice was right. Well, half right. Alec had been distant the past couple of weeks so this was a good opportunity to show him what he'd been missing, and I was horny as fuck. Mama needed her some cock!

_Too right sister!_

And we were back on speaking terms.

_Even if it is Alec I guess it's better than nothing..._

And it was gone again.

"Yeah well if it bursts open when I eat or drink or start moving you are totally to blame and I will hunt you down and murder you, ok? I know exactly how to make a cut to the femoral artery look accidental."

"Yeah, yeah...and if you get groped in all the right places by either guy than I want some sort of thanks in the form of boxes of chocolates and sparkly things!"

_Who wants to be groped in the right places when there are so many good wrong places?_

Too right.

What? When a woman is right a woman is right!

We finished getting ready and started setting up the food and drinks in the kitchen. I loved having an open plan apartment; it made everything so much easier, and brighter. Alice said it was great for parties, my thoughts on that was having rooms with closed doors seemed like a good opportunity for guests to snoop around and have sex on or in your bed! And since I'd yet to begin the relationship with mine satisfactorily that was never going to be an option for anyone but me.

By the time everything was set up it was close to nine and the first guests were arriving. As the bell rang I buzzed people up, went to the door straightening out my loin cloth and hair before opening the door to some of the nurses and their dates. I said my hellos and invited them in while Alice has a love affair with the stereo picking out some music.

After an hour or two the apartment was filled with people. Alice was getting anxious as Jasper was yet to arrive, which made me happy as it meant prince prick was also yet to arrive.

_Sad._

Happy.

_Sad._

Happy!

I'd already had a fair few drinks and was on my way to being properly plastered when I saw Alec come through the door that had become easier to leave open. He made his way over to me through the crowd of people.

"Bella, what's going on?"

"We're having a party...a house warming since we just moved here! It was Alice's idea!"

"I don't know any of these people!"

"Well if you walk around more and mingle you'd get to know some of them!"

I'd gone from happy to pissed, and not the drunk kind, in less than a minute. Seemed to be happening more and more often with Alec, when he was around that is. How fucking dare he get pissed off at me for not knowing the people I worked with who I had invited to my apartment when he hadn't been around! Inner whore knew to keep her mouth shut.

"You know I can't be here that often 'cos of my job Bella!"

"Yeah, yeah, it's all about your job! It's so hard and time-consuming to take pictures of scantily clad women!"

"You know it's more than that! Don't be so melodramatic."

And now he was scolding me? Fucker was about to get a de-balling. I'd make do with Battery Bob! We all know he was guaranteed to work every time anyway.

"I haven't seen you in three weeks and you expect me to be all happy and jump to attention when you do show up?"

"I expect you to fucking understand! And what the hell are you wearing? You look like a hooker!"

"You would fucking know Alec, you spend enough time with them!"

I would've been more pissed than I was about having a full blown argument in front of the people I work with but none of them seemed that interested to tell the truth. I fumed as I glared up at Alec. He was fuming back as he grabbed my arm tightly.

"Don't talk to me like that; you know it's not true!"

"Let go you asshole, you're hurting me!" I tried to pull my arm away but he just tightened his hold. I was starting to get pins and needles in my hand and I knew the look on my face had to tell him that.

"Something wrong Bella?"

I turned my head to see the dipshit, also known as Masen, standing beside me.

Oh great, just what I need.

Alec turned to look at him just as I did, his hand still tight on my arm.

"Who the fuck are you?" Alec asked before turning to me and yelling some more. "Who the fuck is this guy Bella?" He looked between the two of us scowling, his grip still tight.

"He's an asshole just like you! Now let go!" I yanked at my arm again but he yanked it back.

"I'm her boyfriend dickwad!" the dipshit-who-maybe-wasn't-completely-a-dipshit-since-it-seemd-he-was-trying-to-defend-me-but-he-was-still-a-dipshit came out with.

I slapped my forehead. He really was a dumb as he looked.

"Is that right?" Alec replied, "Well I'm Bella's boyfriend, Alec."

"Oh, so you're the reason she has to resort to self-service."

Ok, so maybe I smirked at that one. It deserved a smirk at least!

_And it was true._

Yeah. Hey! Keep out of it, I can only deal with two idiots at a time.

_Three..._

Alec puffed up his pathetic excuse for a chest, trying to look macho in front of Masen. I put my free hand up against it to stop him from doing something he'd regret. Even though I'd have happily watched them rip into each other I really didn't feel like cleaning Alec's blood up from my carpet or being the reason for the end of a surgeons career due to broken hands.

"Alec, seriously, let go of my arm. It's just a party." Reluctantly he finally let go of my arm and I managed to keep the gasp silent as the blood painfully rushed back down it straight to my fingertips.

Like a coward I almost ran to where Alice was standing, frozen to the spot in shock. I just did not want to have to deal with any of that shit, it could wait until I was sober.

"What's going on?" she quickly turned her attention to my arm, "You're going to have a bruise there..."

"He's pissed about the party," I replied, "And Masen's a dick!"

She giggled.

"Bella, that's nothing new! What did he do this time?"

"He told my boyfriend that _he_ was my boyfriend! Like I really need the hassle! Jerk!"

I looked over at Masen, who was now busy chatting up one of the other doctors I'd been introduced to while looking down her top. I guessed from their body language that they were acquainted in the sexual sense just as much, if not more, than the friendly sense. Alice soon confirmed my suspicions.

"That's Tanya Denali," she explained, "You know that irritating patient of Edward's, Irina? Well, that's her sister. She and Edward were an item of sorts. Fuck buddies really but she just won't let him go."

I hadn't realised I was still staring until he winked at me and she scowled. I frowned as I turned away.

_You really have to stop doing that Bella, unless you want him to know you think he's fuckable._

Do not.

_Do too._

Do not!

_Oh whatever Egypt girl._

"I need a drink. Is there any more of that good tequila?"

I made my way into the kitchen area, alright staggered, and found the only bottle of tequila in sight, which of course was empty. Carrying it with me, I somehow managed to crouch my way down to the cupboard in a dignified fashion before going in search of another bottle to replace it in a not so dignified fashion in the back. What? That's the normal place to keep the liquor.

_You tell yourself that Egypt girl._

Oh you're worse than my mother! I know exactly what I'm doing, and the odd night of shit-faced after all the other shit I dealt with was not going to kill me.

_Yeah, I suppose..._

Suppose?

_Yeah, a bottle of liquor is the last of your worries when you're arguing with yourself in the middle of a party._

Oh...shut up!

_Great come back!_

Sarcastic much?

_Only when the occasion calls for it._

After my undignified search bore no fruit, and I silently cursed the person who had raided my stash, I stood up a little too quickly, and also forgot where the worktop was. The result of all this was a major head-rush quickly followed by an ear-splitting, teeth-shaking head bang, and not in a good way. I cried out in pain, my eyes quickly flooding themselves.

"Holy shit!" It fucking smarted!

I put my hand to the back of my hand, feeling around gingerly. Luckily there was no blood but there was a lovely big lump forming that would go along quite well with my bruised arm. I was quickly starting to look like a domestic violence victim! And I'd seen one too many of them in my time...

_This is why you should know your limits since you can't hold your drink whore, and then you wouldn't be so clumsy._

Oh shut up, I'm not clumsy and I can hold my drink just fine. And the whore remark? Not cool. Besides, you're the whore, whore! Whore whore! That's sounds funny!

She rolled her eyes at me while I giggled to myself before standing up.

As I stood up straight I squinted my eyes against the pain, like that was really going to help!

I slowly put one foot in front of the other my eyes continued to squint as the pain shot through my head like daggers. On my travels I walked past a group of guys who smirked at me. Yeah dudes, I'm so not winking at you! Geeze!

.

Finally I found myself in my bedroom, seeking solace from the noise. Ok, so if I hadn't banged my head I'd totally be out there partying! But since I had I was scurrying off to my room like an old lady to seek out the silence! If you banged the back of your head off of a worktop you'd do the same thing! Judgemental crowd you are!

Once inside my room, with the door firmly shut, I sat on my bed rubbing the extremely tender bump on my head, hoping to God I didn't have a concussion.

_Might've knocked some sense into you, Masen is très_, _très_ _sexy..._

He is pretty hot tonight in his jeans and shirt...Ok, that's gotta be the concussion talking, or the drink, maybe the concussion.

_Tell yourself that Egypt girl._

I must've passed out soon after that because the next thing I knew I could hear voices and feel hot, sweet breath on my face.

"Maybe she's dead..."

"She's not dead numb nuts, she's breathing! See. Chest up, chest down."

"I'm staring at her chest but I fail to see what you're referring to. I'd happily perform mouth to mouth...!"

"I knew you wanted to kiss her!"

"I'm simply offering to save her life pixie!"

I could hear the smirk in his voice just before a pair of soft, warm lips pressed against mine.

_Have you realised just how much you're enjoying this kiss from Dr. Good Body?_

I'm not enjoying it! And his name is doctor dipshit! Ha! Double D! Like his job! Job...

_Maybe you should open your mouth and do a job!_

Whore!

_Egypt girl. And if you're not enjoying it maybe you should open your eyes and push him off!_

I opened my eyes widely to be met with the view of perfect copper hair.

"See, I revived her! You owe me your life now Swan!"

"Bullshit! I was sleeping you asshole! And I'm pretty sure when they teach you mouth to mouth it _doesn't_ involve you blocking my airway with your tongue." I pushed him off of me and sat up, earning myself yet another head rush.

I looked around, not entirely sure if I was seeing the amount of people I was seeing or if I was just seeing double.

"What are you all doing in my room?"

"We wondered where you'd gone, it is your party after all Bella." I guess Alice had a point but this was my sanctuary from the party, and I really needed it after what had happened.

"Come on Alice, we'll leave her to it." Why just Alice? Take the douche with you too!

Edward stayed sitting on my bed next to me as Alice and Jasper walked out, horny bloody rabbits!

"That's your cue to leave manwhore. I don't need a murse looking after me."

"I'm not going anywhere. You've got a huge bump on your head, you're practically inebriated enough to fuel a brewery and your tired. Plus, your party is dead in the water and your boyfriend, and I use that term very lightly, kicked everyone out before leaving himself."

Oh this might just keeps getting better and better.

_And you call me sarcastic._

Oh hush!

So all my guests had gone, as well as my co-host, and my 'boyfriend', yes I use that term lightly as well, had gone too. Jerkoff fucker.

"Well then you can help me clean up out there seen as Alice has left."

I stood up off the bed, ignoring the headrush. That botch wasn't going to help me get my apartment clean.

"Why don't you leave it 'til the morning and get some sleep."

_It's not sleep he has on his mind..._

I ignored her, I really wasn't in the mood.

"Because I'm not a slob like you. I bet your place is covered in crud and filthy magazines!"

He didn't deny it, just shrugged. Too gross!

"Just like I said." I took a step back, clearing his way to the door. "Now if you're not gonna help you can go."

He sat on my bed staring at my chest. I actually liked the fact that he didn't hide his fascination with my breasts, but said fascination also creeped me out a little, his chosen profession not helping with that.

_He said they were perfect, stop worrying._

I'm not worrying, I know full well they're perfect!

"I'm up here buddy!"

His eyes slowly moved up to mine, the familiar smirk spread across his face.

"Well I guess I can help you clean up. Want a drink? I found a bottle of tequila hidden in one of your presses."

Ok, so the man was a genius, and a tequila thief.

I took the bottle from him a let a swig of the silky liquid burn down my throat. After a few more gulps I was once more drunk, then very, very drunk. A good thing since the inner voice/whore couldn't form a coherent thought, but it made me very sleepy.

I yawned in a very unlady-like fashion right in his face. Rude and gross, yes, but he'd decided to sit extremely close. He stared down at my mouth silently.

It was hard to keep my eyes open but I saw the look on his face.

_I know...what he's...he's thinking..._

Written all over his face what he was thinking, even a blind man would know what he was thinking! Then the smirk returned.

"Is that an open invitation Swan?" he asked suggestively as his hands made their way to his belt.

He played with his buckle, waiting to see what I'd do, and I felt a sudden uncontrollable urge to throw up. I didn't have time to walk, run or crawl to the bathroom before I puked in his lap.

Now, if this was any other party and I was a bystander to this shabby remake of the exorcist, then I'd have been laughing my head off at the look on Edward's face. It really was priceless. However, my traitor of a body gave my embarrassment away in the form of a bright red blush spreading across my face.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry!"

I put my hand over my mouth, the sour taste of vomit making me want to spew again.

_Carrots, why is it always carrots? And when was the last time you ate carrots?_

Don't be a twit, alcohol does not excuse twit-like idiocy! It's just some stomach lining.

_Really doesn't make me feel any better._

Me neither, but at least I'm not a twit.

_Just really drunk._

Yeah.

He kind of leaned away from me and the vomit but didn't go running for the hills like I'd expected.

"Swan, I normally sleep with a girl before I let her puke on me."

I think I'd rather he was disgusted with me rather than making jokes.

_I think you'd rather it was another bodily fluid that had erupted from you and onto his lap._

"Why is it always sex with you?" I wasn't entirely sure which one I was talking to, both I suppose.

I'd somehow found myself halfway on the floor and, without knowing how yet again, I somehow found the strength to drag myself into enough of a standing position to make my way into the bathroom and close the door behind me.

"Swan, I kind of need to clean myself up here. I'm not going out with your puke all over me. Your spew on the other hand I could definitely handle!" Was he really trying to make me blow chunks for a second time in as many minutes?

I groaned, feeling sick again. It was the mention of the word 'puke' that triggered it, and was increased by everything else he said after that. I brushed my teeth, rinsed, then dragged myself to the door and opened it.

"Clean yourself up and then you can leave. And don't you dare breathe a word to anyone about this or you're dead, do you hear me?" Even drunk and pathetic looking as I was I knew I could still pull off scary when I needed to. Alice Brandon wasn't the only one with a dangerous pointer finger!

He nodded and held his hands up in surrender. I slid down to the floor next to the toilet, still feeling sick. It looked like we were going to be buddies for the night, or at least stuck together for a while.

Standing by the sink, he took his shirt off, leaving him topless and completely lickable. If my vomit hadn't been all over him I totally would have, maybe, possibly, probably.

_Who are you kidding? The only thing stopping you is your drunken stupid!_

And my sense of self worth.

_If you had proper control over your body you'd be all over him faster than a speeding bullet._

No-one can go faster than a speeding bullet, I've never come so quickly!

_You know exactly what I mean._

I have more pride than to jump him honey.

_Yeah right._

"Does your 'buddy' Alec leave any shirts here?" he asked as he wiped at his jeans, having given up all hope of saving his shirt.

"Yeah, there's one on the back of my bedroom door." I could barely keep my head upright, there was no way I was going to make it to the bedroom door and back.

He left to get the shirt and came back in kicking off his shoes and yanking off his socks. I was looking up at him as he began unbuckling his pants.

"I'm not having sex with you Masen, do them back up."

_Oh who are you kidding? If he were to whip it out standing to attention your legs would be wrapped around him tighter than a boa constrictor!_

Would not.

_Would too._

Would not!

_Egypt._

"I'm not taking them off for that reason," he said as he smirked at me, "You seemed to have perfect aim at my crotch!"

I tilted my head to the side as I examined his jeans. Huh, he was right.

_You're staring at his crotch Bella._

Yeah, just a few more seconds.

_I'm not complaining._

He cleaned up his pants with some wet wipes and a little soap and warm water. It only took a few minutes to dry them with my hairdryer.

"Come on drunkard, you need fluids and sleep."

He dragged me to my feet and led me out to the kitchen. Fuck this place was a tip!

"Here."

He pushed a glass of water into my hands. When did he get this? And when did he get those bin bags?

_You're very drunk honey, the sky could be falling and you wouldn't notice._

Oh, right.

I downed the glass of water in one go. I'd never tasted anything so good! I vaguely remember standing up and wobbling around the place, picking up rubbish and getting it into black bags. After that I was lying in clouds with an empty puddle beside me in case I needed to fill it and more of the tastiest water ever in existence next to my head. The dickwad said something about not dying stupidly, I think, and then it was so soft and black.

_It's called, cleaning the apartment, Dr. Good Body making sure you don't die and then unconsciousness Bella._

Oh shut up and let me sleep.

**A/N**

**You already know this but reviews make me ever so happy so please review and song recs would be nice I always find that bit difficult! Bella's hilarious inner whore won't write her own lines down!**


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